The State of Nats #14: Osmosis in Bangkok

08 Feb, 2026

[Everything from January 1 to the day of publishing this]
Bangkok, Thailand

Data

Journals bought for the new year: 3 New pens purchased: 5

Books read: 2
Movies watched: 11

Cups of coffee: 35 Matcha drinks: 6

Days I have eaten eggs: 5

Osmosis in Bangkok

Active, animated, energetic, I found these words on a website describing that the Year 2026 per the Chinese Lunar calendar. And this was by no means a manifestation, but a happy coincidence. I have spent 3 days leaning into a new truth, that I am energetic. I feel like I am seeing an old friend after a long absence, singing songs that are welcoming and pleasant (like Olivia Dean), greeting with a pat on the back and offering iced chocolate milk and a ham and cheese grilled toastie. A lot of love, certainly.

An absurd weight of mental wellbeing is such an internal responsibility that has felt beyond my own control and management, more so with the knowledge of therapy and an active self-reflecting lifestyle. And so much to my surprise, my presence in the city of Bangkok gave me energy through the process of osmosis. I landed here and spent nearly 10 cycles of 24 hours in a daze of flu and delusion. I was emptied out mentally, exhausted emotionally. In the brain soup of flu and cloudiness, I think Bangkok allowed me to absorb some spark, particles of energy and concepts of showing up for my mind. Between the next many days of matcha drinks and americanos, sometimes flavoured with orange, and always flavoured with the noise of traffic, there was emergence of what I now call my ogre.

I think in the last two years I have spent time waiting for inspiration to strike that makes this business of living ahead of surviving and behind hustling. I hoped for a clean beginning, without thinking why would I hold such a notion. Invariably that brought importance to arbitrary timings, like Mondays, or first of a month, or morning 8AM sharp. Starting times that seemed right with no data to justify my reliance on them. But beginnings are never clean. They are messy and ugly, they come from loathing, boredom or panic. Beginnings are not ready to see you in the perfectly themed outfit for a get-together and a face full of makeup. They are smelly, unprepared, hell bent on being seen, small voice and smaller presence. I was telling myself for days that I feel I will rise like a phoenix. But there is no such elegance awarded to me. I am an ogre, devoid of beauty but taking up a large space.

And this ogre feeds on the energy of Bangkok.

Every so often I hear and read that Kuala Lumpur is the new Bangkok or Ho Chi Minh City is the new Bangkok. Since 2023, I have been to both these major cities and Bangkok tagged along with each. And usually it is around day 5 of returning to Bangkok where I start to feel, ”well, other cities have nothing on you BKK“. When I leave now in less than a week, I worry with no Bangkok to do its magic of osmosis, I will lose on this energy. So I have to store it in whatever mental mitochondria I can construct and keep this going. It’s either that or overstaying my visa in Thailand.

So what have I been doing?

A list, not in any sequence or priority.

In Ho Chi Minh City

Took my mother shopping for shoes, where she got more than what I conceive as the definition of “reasonable”
Visited a mega store with Ru and managed to have a crisis about dignity of living and value of currency back home. The quality of produce is so good in Vietnam. It was the vegetable section that broke me, and onions that solidified emotional damage.
I made dal a few times. Masoor. I cooked salmon. My mom brought some Maggi masala noodles. It helps survive flus, I have scientific evidence to back that claim. I also cooked tuna fish. I made pulao with onions and spices, leading to the best rice eating experience of 2026.
Gave south Vietnam food a real chance and realised I am not a fan. Food can really turn my opinion of a place and HCMC is now my least favourite city of Vietnam, 75% of that reason comes from Pho (North Pho for life).
Sustained a coffee addiction and delusion.
Bought a pair of all black shoes, heavy winter jackets (in anticipation of visiting my BFF sister Rh) and a big enough duffel bag for Ru and I to go on day trips.
Walked deep into the lanes of the old districts. Visited the war museum again and endured the necessary trauma of education, again. Visited my favourite post office and showed Ru the details.
Watched a show in Saigon Opera House and learnt that I love sopranos. Dressed up in my beloved powder blue jumpsuit.
Spent many hours in a book cafe that had a library look, down to the floor to ceiling shelves. Felt at home there, a certain sense of warmth and healing from over stimulation.

In Bangkok

Followed people stepping out of offices during lunch hour and tracked them (at a safe respectable distance) to their lunch joints. This practise has continued from Hanoi to Bangkok, and now 3 months in my stealth mode walk is good. Managed to eat one of my best meals in Bangkok at one such treasure hunt.
Spoke to waiting staff in different accents, wondering if anyone will raise an eyebrow. No one has.
Bought more vinyls than my fingers can count from a beautiful vinyl shop.
Have eaten two people’s portion of tom yum all by myself, on more than on occasion. I received the “this is commendable” head nods from the chef at one occasion.
Eaten more than 10 ham cheese toasties from 7Eleven. For a bit during my flu, my taste buds felt muddy, so the sandwich was what I sought.
Had enough matcha to finally start noticing a difference in superiority of the matcha powder, preparation technique and quality of matcha making.
Attempted to make contact with every cat I crossed paths with.
Had a friend visit us in Bangkok and showed her around like I was running “curated little tours”.
Ru and I watched our first Jafar Panahi film, It was just an accident. We were the only people in the cinema hall.
Watched a concerto, led by a pianist. Both (Ru and I) agree that we love sopranos more.
Watched jazz performances on back to back nights. Fell in love with every bass guitarist and singer, cello performers and drummers.

Here is a list of all horrible, not good, very bad things

Got a flu that took 3 weeks to dissipate enough that I had my mind returned to me.
Sleep routine is ghastly, even though sleep health has improved. My mind will always criticise me for waking up any later than 8AM.
While walking has been up, weight training has taken a hit.
I had one plate of very average kra pow. One time I went to an ultra hipster street and trusted them to give me at least good food, but the kra pow there made me want to incinerate the joint. Offence taken.
Immigration process was offensive and it took a lot of my control to not flinch and give way to outrage.
I said goodbye to Hobbonichi and due to lack of availability and my continued interest in giving other stationary models, papers and brands a chance. This is the year of Midori.

Culture consumption

I am reading a book about cadavers. I watched 4 animation films at the start of the year. There is an overlap is watching animation while I feel sick, I must observe this more.

I recently finished one about Digital Minimalism. I have in my possession a Boox Palma that I have now set up to minimise disruptive tech interactions. I miss my mind, and guess what, I am getting it back.

I thought to get out of a bit of a reading slump by reading a trusted genre, romance. But I hated the book People We Meet on Vacation (I don’t even link that nonsense). It did work, however, the anger alone is making me read other books I had lined up.

With crazy, stupid, love,
Nats

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